Snack Time With The Saints

 Several years ago a friend had gifted me a copy of Elizabeth Foss' book, Real Learning.  One of the ideas I got from it was celebrating the liturgical year with tea times.  I imagined all sorts of loveliness cuddling underneath handmade quilts while we sipped hot tea and read from picture books about the saints.  There was just one slight problem...I hate tea.  And I actually found myself stuck and at a loss as to how to live the liturgical year without liking the herbal substance (lame but true).   I tried to like it for the sake of starting the lovely tradition.   I took out the fanciest tea cups we owned, bought the most elegantly named teas I could find and then proceeded to try to gag them down to no avail.  The years passed and the dream waned until...

A few months ago it dawned on me that our family may not have tea times but we do have a daily snack time that the kids look forward to each afternoon.  Hmmm... All I needed was a catchy name...Snack Time with the Saints. Huzzah! I could finally procede with a meaningful tradition and it only took the inspiration 3-4 years to gestate (perfectionism at it's best which puts me at my worst).

 I realized by this time that my idea wasn't going to happen if I waited around until I had everything I needed to carry out the vision in my head.  G.K Chesterson said, "things worth doing are worth doing badly" so...

...no quilt handmade by me thrown on meadow grass; just an old baby blanket too small for all of us to fit on laid out on the carpet.

No basket full of Catholic Mosaic books (yet), just a paperback book on the saints and Stories for Little Folks.

And no tea in fancy china; it's usually homemade smoothies in plastic cups.  It's hit or miss wether or not I can claim my 2 young sons attention for the entire length of time.  The reality is very different from my vision of captivated children begging for one more Scripture passage read aloud.  But in some ways it's better than what I envisioned because it's ACTUALLY HAPPENING!  I'm finally doing something I was inspired to do and I'm tasting the sweet fruits of my efforts.

And it's slowly growing and becoming something more than I dreamed of.

Everyday at 3 pm, my iphone's church bells signal the special hour.  I stop what I'm doing and announce, "It's the Hour of Mercy," to which they respond, "Snack time with the Saints!"  My daughter prepares the snacks and lays out the blanket with her eager brothers while I begin a Divine Mercy Chaplet.  Somedays my children hear the bells toll before I do and they will hand me my phone saying, "time for Mercy prayers".  Somedays were out running errands when the church bells ring and they shout, "Snack Time with the Saints!" out loud in the aisles.  These things are small...but huge, you know!  I realize they're hungry and more excited about the prospects of something yummy, but they're getting a good dose of faith along with their snack and that's really what this little daily tradition is all about.

Now I'm looking at my mind map with an eye and heart for more imperfect actions.  I think I could actually tackle the spokes on the map a lot quicker if I'm not setting myself up with perfectionism.  I have lots of pin-worthy ideas, but this project isn't about gaining followers; it's about following Christ and growing in His Grace. That's my goal.

What are the "little things" you have done to inject faith into your family's everyday life?  Do y'all suffer from inaction due to perfectionism or am I the only one?  

Couple's Meetings

One of my goals for the month of February was to get back to having regular couple's meetings.  When Daniel and I lived in the valley, we were part of a Catholic family renewal movement called, Servants of the Cross.  They led couples' studies on different aspects of married life and they equipped us with tools to help make our marriages stronger.  One of the tools they strongly encouraged us to use was a regular couple's meeting; a scheduled time to come together as a couple in a prayerful way to  hammer away at issues and grow in unity.  It was a time to pray together, share our daily goings-on, honor each other, budget, and work through problems.   With  all the good that came from being dedicated to the meetings, you would think we would still be in the habit of having them regularly.  But, as with everything else in life, when you get too busy due to subtle or drastic life changes and something important to you wasn't made a priority, then things that matter often fall to the wayside.  To our credit, I do think that we managed to take the different topics from the meeting and imbue our daily interactions with them.  That's one of the benefits of having these meetings; they're like mini-training sessions that teach you how to interact with your spouse in the course of daily living.

The benefits I have experienced from having a regular Couple's Meeting include:

1) a chance to practice relational skills (as already mentioned)

2) a set time to work through issues. No need to nag or complain in the heat of the moment, just save it for the meeting. And guess what?  You end up forgetting the annoying things that bugged you in the moment. And if it's really important, you can write it down and cool down enough before the meeting so that you approach the topic with more composure and peace.  

3)Issues are met head-on and solutions are worked out in the form of action steps that are followed up with accountability at the next meeting.  This really helps me with anxiety because I can mentally put off what's worrying me until the meeting time and then I have the comfort and support of my  spouse to work through the issue.  

4)Helps us become the family we envision because we keep our goals for our family front and center.  

With all of these benefits I still found it hard to sit down and have a session and there was usually wailing and gnashing of teeth on my end...I just hated the thought of sitting down and slogging through mentally exhausting issues for an hour or more during a time when I was already mentally exhausted (my brain shuts off at about 7pm).  For other couples in the group, this was not a problem.   Daniel gently reminded me that I determine the length of the meeting times because I do 98 percent of the talking (oftentimes talking myself in circles). Hmmm....

Well, I recently came up with an idea to deal with the issue of evading the long, drawn out meetings.  We're now using his weekday evening commute (17 minutes) as our meeting time which gives us the built in time limit we need.  The meeting adjourns the moment he walks through the front door.  This has the added benefit of helping me become a more efficient speaker b/c if I want to discuss certain topics, I need to stop pounding the point I'm trying to make until his eyes glaze over (poor guy).

We follow a strict 4 point format:

1) Open with prayer (1 minute)
2) Daily Communication Time (DCT) (2-4 minutes)
3) Discuss Finances (12th-14th we work out the monthly budget)
4) Discuss the children's Issues/Needs

The Daily Communication Time or DCT:   This is a conversational tool that the missionaries taught us.  It has 4 components with the simple rule that while one spouse goes through each of the four talking points, the other spouse listens attentively and is only allowed to say, "thank you" at the end. (It's easier said than done but if you follow the rule it really does help you to become a better listener. I will admit it was awkward in the beginning and sometimes fun for Daniel to watch me squirm as I tried very hard not to say anything. But it's so worth it because it carries over into our daily interactions and I'm a better person for it).  The speaker needs to try to stick to the talking points with succinct statements and avoid rambling.  The 4 components are:

1) A brief description of the day
2) Tell about a hope, dream or fear
3) Honor your spouse
4) Briefly mention an issue you have with your spouse offering a solution.

Discuss Finances: I printed out a budget sheet on google drive that has a list of all our bills and expenses.   We use the 3 days before he gets paid to discuss upcoming monthly expenses. It's the only matter we discuss for those days. For the rest of the month we will just take 1-2 minutes to talk about any daily purchases we made.

Discuss the children's Issues/Needs.  I found a great printable on Small Notebook for coming up with goals for our children that is based on Luke 2:40.  I ended up taking her idea and making up my own form to suit our needs.  A picture will help:

We've been using this form now for awhile (usually during long car trips to DFW or the valley). The right hand column is for brainstorming.  We use what we've written in the right hand column to come up with the spiritual, intellectual, physical and social goals for each child in the left hand column.  It will take a couple meetings to fill this form out for each child if we fill it out together. I plan on trying to fill it out myself before the meetings and Daniel can add to it.  After we hammer out the goals and a plan of action we can spend the rest of the month talking about how the action steps are working out.  

Do y'all have regular couple's meetings? I'd love to hear your thoughts and ideas!

The Grace-Well Project: A Family's Holiness Project

I have a confession to make at the start of this season of Lent.  For awhile now,  I've been feeling the need for our family to grow deeper in practicing our Faith.  I feel as though we've been scratching the surface...squeaking by with the bare minimum.  I miss the warm feeling Daniel and I had when we were young, newly married and on fire for the Faith.  I miss those days of lively theological discussion, reading books to learn about the saints and the wisdom of our Church as well as becoming acquainted with all the tools God has given us to grow in His Grace and love for Him.   Don't get me wrong; we love Our Lord and our Faith often informs our decisions.  We go to weekly Mass, we pray before meals and gather the children in the evenings (most nights) for recitation of the basic prayers. We talk openly about God around the dinner table.  Daniel listens to the daily readings in the early morning hours before anyone else wakes up and lately, because of this feeling of wanting to go deeper, I've been trying to establish the habit of saying a morning offering and trying to say a daily Divine Mercy Chaplet.  But I guess sometimes I feel we love the Lord like a non-Catholic Christian would.  And I don't mean any disrespect; I just mean to say that I'm a Catholic Christian and as such, I've been given so many tools to tap into  the "well of grace" to nourish my soul and give me what I need to carry on in this journey towards our Heavenly home.   Receiving Him, Body and Blood, in Holy Communion is the biggie but there's the other sacraments, the Holy Rosary, chaplets, litanies, a plethora of sacramentals...I mean I'm astounded at the sheer number of ways He equips us to receive His Grace.  He sees how thirsty our souls are as we trudge along on this dusty road of life.  I guess if life was one of those marathons I pass by in the safety of my car (I hate running),  then I've been thinking of all these grace-tools more like a large pizza being offered at mile 18 of a 20 mile race instead of those little cups of water so desperately needed on the last leg.  In other words, I will admit to sometimes thinking of all these tools as burdens...something I need to do to please Him rather than seeing them as offerings to give me what I need (His Grace) exactly when I need it (all the time).

Maybe I'm not alone in this feeling of thirsting and missing out?  It's easy after the initial fire to fall into lukewarmness.  Seasons of our lives can get busy and overwhelming.   Our Lord isn't like a screaming tea kettle whistling over the daily, incessant noise.  He's more like the quiet casserole I forgot about until I smelled it burning (or in another instance, the casserole I put in the oven and forgot to cook and didn't realize it until the children were hungry and crying for dinner).  (You know, I think I may be hungry with all of these lame food analogies).

 Part of the reason I've been so quiet on my Catholic blog is because I feel my faith life doesn't measure up to so many of the other great Catholic bloggers' faith lives.  I'm definitely not one to follow for inspiration or advice  on how to live the liturgical year or how to get your children to reverently say a rosary (I'm just trying to get my own to stop bringing pool noodles to our prayer sessions).  So I  realize that if I'm going to have anything to say on this here blog of mine, then I'm going to have to be real about where I'm at in my walk.  I've decided to turn this need of mine into a project complete with a mind map:


And what's a project of mine without a flowery name for it?  I'm calling this family-growing-in-the faith-project, "The Grace Well Project."  It's in reference to Elizabeth Foss' line in an article she wrote about living the faith daily.

So maybe you're looking at my mind map thinking, "My family does all of that and then some."  That's wonderful! Our world needs faith-filled prayer warrior families like yours.  I am not above being mentored, in fact, I love it.   Maybe if you have the time you could pop in here and share your experiences with me.  I will add a way for you to link up a new or old post you have on whatever topic of the project I'm working on. (Please do this as a service to me and not because you hope to gain a ton of readers. Notice my followers box is still in the single digits).  I'd love to read about what works for your family or just pop in and give me some much needed advice.  Or maybe you're a little more like me and you feel "thirsty" and have a need to dip deeper into the "well of grace".  If that's the case, feel free to start your own little family faith project and join me weekly for encouragement and collaboration.

For better or worse I plan on posting about my family's journey at least every Wednesday until the Year of Faith comes to a close.  

Daybook: On Pope Benedict and Lent

Outside My Window: It's chilly, overcast and quietly still.

I am thankful for: waking up after only 3 hours of sleep last night to the smell of a pork roast cooking in the oven.  Daniel had put it on for me, Lord bless him, as I was not looking forward to working with a cut of meat the size of a hog.

I am thinking about: What everyone else is thinking about....our beloved Pope Benedict's resignation.  It was the first bit of information I awoke to and I was sad.  But I know he didn't just wake up yesterday and make a rash decision based on how he felt waking up on the wrong side of the bed. (He doesn't operate like I do at times).  No, after much discernment and guided by the Holy Spirit, he recognized that it was best for God's people that he step down.  It's an act of great humility and trust in God's will and I love him even more for it.  I wish some of our government leaders would follow his example of humility.

From the kitchen: grain-free pumpkin muffins.  We like to throw in a good measure of chocolate chips.  You can never go wrong with chocolate.

I am creating: Family and Couple's Meetings templates.  I'm so excited to get back into having a regular couple's meeting. I will post about these later in the week.

I am working on: preparing for Lent.  During the 40 minute drive to the Houston Children's Museum we hammered out a list of lenten sacrifices and observances that we will observe individually and as a family.   I made a final copy of the list that I stuck in a clear page protector sheet that I plan on bringing out at dinnertime each evening of Lent so we can talk about how we're doing and encourage one another to remain steadfast.

I am reading: Still reading Mansfeld Park and loving it. I have no idea why I listened to my Austen college professor who said it wasn't worth reading...I never listened to anything else she said.

I am praying: for Pope Benedict XVI and the cardinals as they prepare to elect a new pope.

I am hearing: Dominic crying because he can't wait for the snack muffins to warm up.

A few plans for the rest of the week: Finish up with our lenten preparations.   I had planned on posting up a project series today on my blog but I really wanted to scrapbook my thoughts on Pope Benedict's resignation so I'll save that for Wednesday.  I want to work together with Dan (read: He will do all the boring computer work and I will approve it) on finishing up our Prezi presentation on the benefits of backyard chickens.  And I really want to get back into sewing for my curves class, if only my sewing machine would cooperate.

A Picture Thought:

My toddler likes to play in our garbage that we store in our dishwasher.  Let me explain.  We don't use a dishwasher...I've never liked them ever since the one I had growing up caught fire.  I've been over to people's houses who have dishwashers and I'm always amused at the process of washing the dishes before loading them in the washer. I'm pretty sure I can have all of my dishes washed in the time it takes to load them "just so" in the dishwasher.  I think they're a waste of valuable space and we need a place to store recyclables.  However, Daniel recently made the compelling arguement pro-dishwasher that we may be able to turn the kitchen duty over to the children if we can train them how to load it properly.  I'm on the fence about it.  Feel free to push me over to either side.

Tuesday Daybook

Outside My Window: It's the dark right before dawn and I hear the sounds of the birds waking up and beginning their day.

I am thankful for:  a lovely weekend.  Daniel worked most of Saturday but he came home with chili plates from the high school's annual fundraiser and he kept the kids home with him so I could drive to Barnes and Nobel and enjoy some time alone, which I did to the fullest by reading up on photography books and ordering a flour less chocolate torte.  On Sunday the weather was perfect for pumping up tires and riding our bikes for the first time in over 2 years.  Fulton had a blast riding in the back seat of my bike.  I also did some observational sketching, worked on my Catholic Child's Teaching Bible and drove around with Dan and the boys to look at a couple of properties.    Of course, there was barbecue in the evening in observation of a game we didn't even watch so that was nice.

I am thinking about: my goals and how I'm close to meeting a few of them just days into February.  Seriously, keeping a visible list near to areas where I'm sure to use procrastination tools (by the computer) is really serving to remind me of all the things I'd like to accomplish.

In the school room:  I'm working on the environment right now, trying to make open-ended materials more accessible to the children. I'm also trying to establish what I call, "Gathering Times", which are basically certain times of the day we come together to read-aloud different subjects and do memory work (I'll save the details for another post)  Bernadette is working on staging a greek play inspired by an episode of Martha Speaks and I just received a catalog from IEW that I'm looking forward to perusing for Bernadette's afternoon desk work.

From the kitchen:  Bernadette made grain-free apple cinnamon muffins for the Super Bowl.  Yum!

I am creating:  Projects from my Curves Class  that were going at a steady clip until I got nervous about piecing my Rainbow Road runner, so I've been working on creating mind maps for different projects I have in mind to avoid the inevitable cursing at the sewing machine. I want to finish the 5 projects needed to earn a hand-stitched goodie from Rachel so I better hop to it.

I am working on:  trying to garner support for backyard chickens in our rural town.  Yup, Dan and I moved from a metropolitan city that allowed us to keep some "ladies" to a rural town that doesn't allow for ANY kind of edible, useful animals in the backyard.  But the city is having a meeting to discuss new and existing ordinances and were going to try to win the people over.  And if it doesn't work out it's no big deal because we're just renting and can easily pick up and move to a town that does allow it.  (I just can't get over the fact that it's a RURAL TOWN that won't allow RURAL-type creatures.  I mean, c'mon even HOUSTON allows chickens!) I will be using the forms found in the back of this book to help educate people in the benefits of keeping backyard farm animals.  

I am reading: Mansfeld Park and those few books I browsed at Barnes and Nobel.  One of the photography books I enjoyed ( hated the titled and yet it drew me in) was Shooting In [Bad] Lighting.  (Sorry, but I couldn't get myself to write the actual word on my blog). It addressed several of the common lighting situations I find myself in and I like that it's written in amateur layman's terms.  I also liked how they used the cheapest, easiest solutions first and only after those were exhausted did they bring out more professional gear like flash lighting.  I'm also thinking about getting a gray card to help with white balance after reading this book.

I am praying: that we can practice patience and not get so discouraged while house hunting.  I want God's Will for us and to be content and focus on the present moment of living in our rental house. (I will admit that starting our search the same day I miscarried didn't help my outlook much).  I'm praying for my parent's health and their recovery.  (Please God, open Dad's mind to reading this book so he can get the healing he so desperately needs.)   I'm praying for my dear friend Stephanie, Xavier, Dominic Pio, Simeon and Sarah. (I'm so glad she's out of the 1st trimester...I always breathe easier for women as their bellies grow to prevent them from breathing easy, or am I the only one who took shorter breaths the bigger I got?)

I am hearing:  Bernadette listen to audiobooks. I'm so glad I got her back into them.  She used to enjoy them but then Focus on the Family's Radio Theater version of the Narnia books ruined solo, unabridged reads for her. (They are excellent dramatized versions of C.S Lewis' books though) But I decided to give them another go after listening to Andrew Pudewa's talk and started her off on the very girly, The Little Princess, which she LOVES.

Around the house: It's a bit of a mess as I organize the project room and I hear Fulton singing his version of Taylor Swift's, Mean.  Hmmm...

A picture thought: 

A few plans for the rest of the week: Start thinking about Lent (I'm such a procrastinator), finish up those sewing projects for the class, attend a talk about raising boys given by a mom of 9 sons, go to the Children's Museum for early-bird Saturday and get the ball rolling on getting some cluck-clucks in our yard.

February 2013 Goals

Okay, so I'm sort of addicted to picmonkey.  For the last few months of 2012 I had a routine of going onto picmonkey and making a collage of the goals that I had for the upcoming month. I printed them off and put them on my project board to remind me of things I hoped to accomplish.  I didn't do it for January and I feel like I was less productive (of course, it was also an unusually hard month so that probably had something to do with it).  In any case, I like looking back on the past goals I printed off...they become a record of the things that mattered to me in that particular season of my life.  I don't feel overwhelmed by the sheer number of goals; I know I won't be able to do it all.  I treat this list more as a reminder of the things I'd like to do...I am master of this list and not it's slave.  As you can see in the title, I give myself permission to fail by "trying".   I break most of these goals up into smaller steps and then those baby steps end up on my daily to-do list.  

Do y'all post your goals up in a visible spot?  What are your goals for the month of February?

A New Name, A New Purpose

I've decided to change the purpose and name of my blog.  My blog will no longer be a place to scrapbook family memories.  The problem with doing that is the people I was scrapbooking for weren't reading the blog (i.e. my children and husband).  (Come to think of it, nobody was reading my blog, myself included.)  It was becoming another way to keep my photos and our memories to myself and trapped inside the computer.  I think in the back of my mind I was writing for that future time when I am long-gone and THEN they would remember all the good times we had.  But even then, I couldn't get myself to blog with any real frequency to add those memories up.   Nope, this blog will have a definite purpose now.    It's going to be my online project journal documenting my journey towards a deliberate life.  It's going to be about following through on ideas, overcoming fear brought about by perfectionism and becoming the person God wants and needs me to be.  I have to overcome my fear of failure; I'm a dreamer stuck in my dreams.  I want to become a doer.  I NEED to become a doer for two reasons:

1)  Actualizing my dreams will help me become the person God wants me to be.  Goals, big and small, require virtue and the cultivation of good habits to make them possible.  Fear of failure is like a demon with a stronghold on my heart.  With God's grace , I can wrestle with the fear monster and become victorious.  Good things will come from accomplished goals; a beautiful home, happy memories, freedom from student loans, loving relationships, service and a stronger faith life...  These are great things!

2)  I want to set an example of "doing" for my children.  How can I possibly teach them to try, meet failure with grace, see mistakes as an opportunity, and follow through with an idea if I'm not walking the talk.  St. Francis de Sales said "How are we to be patient with our neighbor's faults if we are not patient with our own? " I never thought how my struggles with perfectionism actually affect the ones I love.   If I don't let go of my own perfectionism, I'm liable to demand it from my family thus ensuring that the vicious cycle of self-doubt gets passed on to the next generation.  It also ensures that I walk around blind with "a plank in my own eye" as I point out the "splinters" of inperfection in others.

I'm changing the name of my blog from "Planted." to "Blue Mockingbird".   It's always been important to me that my blog's name reflect it's purpose and there's a story behind Blue Mockingbird.  We knew a man in the valley who wasn't happy with his job.  He prayed to God asking Him for guidance.  He asked God to send him an unlikely sign of a blue mockingbird, the likes of which had never been seen in our part of the country.  Within a week, he saw the bird in his own yard where it stayed for a few days.  The man quit his job and is now doing what he felt God called him to do.  The universal symbol for happiness is the bluebird.  The blue mockingbird is my own personal symbol reminding me that happiness on earth comes from seeking and taking action on God's will in my life.

I hope the changes don't cause confusion to all my two readers.  :-)